Posts tagged #encouragement

Meet Your True Mate Guidelines

Welcome to the Meet Your True Mate community!

Dysfunctional relationship patterns and being stuck in loneliness and isolation will NEVER HEAL and in fact it will continue to get worse, unless you deal with your hidden emotional and energetic barriers.

My community is about helping sensitive souls who are ready to have the love they know they are truly meant to have!

NOBODY ELSE IS ADDRESSING THE UNDERLYING ISSUES THAT KEEP YOU FEELING UNLOVED, ISOLATED AND FRUSTRATED YEAR AFTER YEAR

Here are some of the amazing benefits you will receive in this sacred and uplifting group:

  • Feel relieved as you finally learn WHAT IS ACTUALLY STOPPING YOU FROM HAVING YOUR TRUE MATE

  • Feel supported with deeply healing tools to unravel and clear THE ROOT CAUSE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP ISSUES.

  • Feel calm and centred the more you connect to your True Self and have the CLARITY AND FOCUS YOU NEED TO BE READY FOR LOVE.

Here is the link to share for the group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/manifestyourtruemate/

DAILY THEMES

TBA

 

POSTS THAT ARE ENCOURAGED

  • Participating in the daily themes, telling us about yourself, sharing stories that are uplifting or inspirational

  • Helpful resources that you would like to share with the group—that helped you personally

  • Any questions or comments about your own journey

  • Requests for support and encouragement if you're having a difficult or challenging time

  • Questions about the Meet Your True Mate community: for clarification or when in need of more details
     

POSTS THAT ARE NOT TOLERATED

  • Offering UNSOLICITED (meaning the person did not ask for advice or guidance) counselling, therapy or coaching to other members-it is fine to offer love, support and encouragement

  • Insults, shaming or ridicule of others' posts and sharing

  • No spamming of business offers or marketing/commercial posts; this is not a group to promote your business


INVITE YOUR FRIENDS

To invite your friends to this community, send them a personal message with the link to join: https://www.facebook.com/groups/manifestyourtruemate/

Do not add people to the group without their permission.
Always ask first.

Don’t Try to Make Lemonade (out of lemons) Without Doing This First

Sometimes life really sucks. Maybe you’re going through a divorce or your child is sick or you’re sick. Basically, you’re on your hands and knees either praying or searching the floor for answers. How on earth do you deal with this pile of lemons that life handed you? You certainly don’t run out and get all the equipment to make lemonade. Hold on! First and foremost, you need to process the situation and get to a strong enough place to be able to make the gosh-darn lemonade. Here is the process that I use to recover from lemon sh*t storms (eg. ugly breakups, health challenges and/or financial crises):

1.       Don’t sugar coat it. Yes, of course, a positive attitude is necessary in life and your attitude and choices do make a difference. However, when you’re lying face down in the dirt, you certainly don’t want some Pollyanna to come along and say, “Just look at the bright side.” Clear the room of all annoyingly positive people who want you to quickly get over your “negative” feelings. Find a listener who is willing to be there while you talk about how horrible everything is. (Put a time limit on this).

2.       Take care of yourself. If you’re not able to muster the strength to cook, eat or drink fluids then call someone to take care of you. Just because you’re suffering emotionally doesn’t mean you have to drive your body to the brink of dehydration and malnourishment. Don’t forget this part: the proper nutrition will feed your brain and allow you to process your emotions. Essentially, food and water will help you heal your trauma faster. If you don’t have an appetite, drink fluids and eat soup broth. Note: feeling selfish for doing this is so 1985.

3.       Enlist a helper. When you need to get day to day things done, but you’re in the midst of an emotional upheaval, you need to ask for help. Get someone to take care of the mail, make phone calls, feed the pets, etc. Don’t let daily tasks worry or burden you—you have bigger things to deal with. Note: see note under #2.

4.       Make decisions to the best of your ability. There are times when we have to make some really hard decisions—maybe we need to figure out where to live or what to do after a job loss or what treatment would be the best for a family member. Once you have the bases covered (#1-3) you can free up some energy to make decisions. Ask yourself the hard questions, let them come up. Voice your worst case scenario or biggest fear (fears lose their power if they are brought into the light). Then close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and ask for guidance. What follows may be an insight, a gut feeling or an urge to take the next step. Follow it.

5.       Find the feel better button. Find one thing that makes you feel better—whether it’s watching silly cat videos on YouTube or reading Archie comics— and do that. It lifts your spirits without denying the gravity of the situation. Doing simple things that make you feel better opens you up to more of the feel good hormones and allows you to think more clearly. Think of it as fine tuning your inner world.

Situations that take us down are painful, horrible and traumatic. When we make it to the others side, we learn how strong we are, how loving we can be and how compassionate we are for others. I’m not saying that it’s such a wonderful thing to go through bleak times, but there is definitely an upswing. When you start to feel like making lemonade, you know that you’re through the worst of it.

Discussion: What do you do when life throws you lemons? Comment below and share with your friends!

Words of Encouragement to Help You Feel Good Again

Sometimes when life gives us lemons, we say “screw the lemonade--this sucks!” We may feel like crap and that’s just the way it is. Maybe our business is not doing well or we’re fighting with our spouse or we just feel like a shadow is blocking our sun. In essence, we’re feeling unmotivated and broody or we lack the energy to enjoy things that we normally would. Nobody wants to feel like this for long, so what can we do?

I’ve put together my favorite words of encouragement as well as a couple of wildly insightful life observations to help you feel like yourself again. I use these words for myself and in fact I just put them to the test this morning. The first quote I read made me cry like a baby—check. Operation Eleanor Encouragement in full effect!

1.       Never give up—this quote by His Holiness the Dalai Lama, has encouraged me throughout my life. The words are deeply profound in their simplicity—isn’t that always the way? This is the quote that got the tears flowing and opened my heart a little wider. Use this if it resonates with you as a way back home when the small and large circumstances in your life veer you off course.

Never give up
No matter what is going on
Never give up
Develop the heart
Too much energy in your country is spent
Developing the mind instead of the heart.
Be compassionate not just to your friends but to everyone
Be compassionate. Work for peace in your heart and in the world.
Work for peace and I say again
Never give up.
No matter what is happening, No matter what is going on around you,
Never give up.

-His Holiness the Dalai Lama
More beautiful inspiration below:



2.       Do what you can with what you have and where you are-Teddy Roosevelt. I love this one. Each piece of the quote is a beautiful invitation to self-acceptance.

  • Do what you can—you can only literally do what you can. There is no other way. Again, this truth is profoundly simple and simply profound.
  • With what you have—whatever set of circumstances, capacities, talents and abilities that you have, that is what you have to work with. Nothing more, nothing less. There is great relief in this truth. You don’t have to try to be something you are not. You simply work with what you have to take you where you need to go. Dream big but don’t set yourself up for what is not in the cards for you.
  • Where you are—this refers to the stage of life you’re in, the experiences you’re having and your mental/emotional state. It doesn’t mean you can’t go elsewhere, but it does mean that you need to accept this moment first. It all starts with acceptance and awareness—where are you right now?

3.      Circling the drain—when I feel as if I’m going around in circles, sometimes I can mistakenly think that I’m going down the drain. In other words, I feel like I’m spiraling downwards into oblivion. This is when I remind myself that the world operates in a vortex of energy; this energy is constantly spiraling. The spirals move upwards and downwards. That’s the truth. So, instead of thinking that I’m spiraling down the drain, I think of it as up-leveling. I’m going around in circles yes, but I’m spiraling with the motion of life itself. Whether I’m moving up or down, nothing is static and there is no judgement in that. I can be spiraling down to a certain point, but it doesn’t mean that I’m not evolving and growing. Whether up or down I’m always up-leveling in terms of growth and expansion. Change your outlook and you’ll feel an immense lightening of the soul-try it!

My final words of encouragement would be this: don’t go AWOL on yourself. Stay with the experience, accept yourself in all ways and trust in the fact that this too shall pass. Lots of blessings to you!
What encourages you when you feel down? Comment below!

Feeling disconnected and like something is missing in your life? Sign-up to receive my free mini-class here and discover how to connect with yourself again: 

How to Go for it No Matter What Seems to Be in the Way

Perhaps you still have an old crumpled up job application from 2000 stuffed in your desk drawer. You meant to get to it, but somehow you just didn’t go for it. No worries! If you’re not sure why you can’t go for it, here are five practical steps that work as the salve for hesitation wounds. Try them out and let me know what you were finally able to grab by the horns (in a metaphorical way of course—I don’t recommend grabbing anything that has horns).
 

Ask yourself these questions to open up your awareness first:

  • What am I getting from not going for it? What is the pay off?
  • What would happen to me if I didn’t go for it?
  • What do I need to know in order to start going for it?
     

Now that we’re warmed up we can dive into these steps:

  1. Make a list of why you want to do something
    The more you get clear on why you want something the more likely you are to do it. As you write your whys down something will become abundantly clear. You’ll realize how important that particular desire is to you or you’ll see that it is connected to a deep and profound part of you. Once you see those reasons staring back at you, you won’t dare hesitate any longer! Keep this list visible—put it on your mirror or keep it in your wallet. Refer to it frequently.
     
  2. Make a list of your fears and worst-case scenarios
    Write down a fear then on the next line write: then what? Write down what would happen if the fear came true. Then keep writing “then what?” until you’ve reached the end of the line. Hint: you’ll know it’s the end of the line when you die or your house blows up or the world explodes. Once you get to the end on that fear move onto the next one until you’ve purged all the biggest fears you have. The point of this is to see how silly our fears can be or how deeply rooted they are. The more we voice our fears the less they grip our subconscious. It’s like shedding light on the dark scary stairway—the stairs are just in need of a good coat of paint. In other words, our fears needn’t run our life. We can look at them, accept that they are there and make peace with them. At least you’ll know what you’re working with. Keep this list visible and handy like the previous one and refer to it when you feel some anxiety coming up.
     
  3. Prepare and intend
    Put some ritual into your go for it. This is where you make a declaration with your quill pen and seal it off with hot wax, frame it and salute it. Make it official. I intend to xyz on such and such date. Declare it. This is the way to give your heart’s desires a voice and the attention they deserve. Better yet declare it on your Facebook page. There is no way you’ll change your mind once it’s in Facebook land. So, think about what you really, really want to go for and then make a ritual around intending to do it. You’ll be amazed at the power behind it!
     
  4. Gather your forces
    You need your team around you for this. By team I mean people, pets, those on the other side, your other worldly cheerleaders, whomever stands as a support system for you. You are going to tell them what you want to do and then ask for their support. Whether it’s a phone call, a prayer, a ceremony or a huddle, gather your forces and let them know that you need them!
     
  5. Celebrate!
    Whether you got the job, the date or the spot on the Amazing Race is irrelevant. The point is to celebrate the act of going for it. You went for it! No matter what the outcome was you did it. This is definite cause to shout your accomplishment from the rooftops! Go out for dinner, put your feet up or buy yourself the new juicer you’ve always wanted. You deserve it.

    I hope these five tips help you get out there and go for it! I would love to hear about your experiences—email me at eleanor@trulyme.ca

If you prefer listening instead of reading, here is the link to my podcast on this very same topic :

Stitcher

iTunes

How to Discover What is Missing in Your life and What to Do About It

Do you feel that no matter what you do—whether you win employee of the month or raise the most money for your charity—that something is still missing in your life? Have you spent the better part of your life trying to fill this bottomless pit of dissatisfaction? Or maybe you feel that if you actually stopped to think about it, this gaping hole would gobble you up.

There may be another way to look at this very painful circumstance. Sometimes changing our perspective can make all the difference in the world.

A way to unravel the mystery of what is missing in our life is to ask questions. Asking questions will alert us to try to find the answers. As we try to find an answer to something we’ve never thought of before we can create a new way of looking at things.
 

Ask questions

Test this out by asking yourself these questions:

  1. Is something really missing in my life or am I afraid of spaciousness?
  2. Is there a missing piece in my life or is the Universe giving me breathing room for things to come in?
  3. Do I need to fill every space o r can I be accepting of this spaciousness?

Let these questions float around in your psyche for a few hours, days or even weeks and allow insight to bubble to the surface. The mind has gone on a fact finding mission and is eager to bring something to you—now that you’ve asked.
 

Different perspective

Another way to look at this overwhelming feeling of dissatisfaction is to relate it to the connection with ourselves. Can this chronic dissatisfaction and frustration be the disconnection from our core, our True Self? When we turn away from the deepest part of who we are there will be a feeling of loss. A feeling that something is missing. With that in mind, we can say that to connect to our core self (referred to here as the True Self) is to dissolve all feelings of discontent, frustration and dissatisfaction. When we are disconnected from ourselves we feel loss, so the solution is to connect. Let’s look at three common ways that we disconnect with ourselves and what we can do to reconnect.

 

Three ways we disconnect from ourselves:
 

1. Blending in

Do you ignore your natural talents and abilities so others won’t notice you? Do you deflect all ways that people try to recognize and honor you? Have you ever wondered what your underlying motivation for doing this is? Hint: it may not be shyness.

What is so bad about being noticed? Why do some of us avoid any sort of spotlight no matter how small? When others look at you and notice you this forces you to look at yourself. Interest from others is a mirror that they hold up to you.
 

Who is in the mirror? You.

Some of us feel that the scariest thing in the world is to see ourselves. If you stop others from seeing you, then you don’t see you. No big surprises to deal with. Nothing to answer to—like why am I living my life like this when it makes me miserable? When we can finally look at ourselves we are free from this hiding game.

Exercise to reconnect to you:

  1. Ask yourself these questions. Do this in a quiet space and be open to the insight that emerges over time.

    What do you want me to know? What can I do for you to reveal yourself more to me?
    Then say out loud: I’m open to guidance. I’m willing to hear the answers.
     
  2. Experiment with revealing yourself to others. Start sharing things with people. For example share a piece of poetry you wrote or the latest recipe you created. Or take someone on one of your favourite walks.

    As you practice these exercises you will start to feel more familiar and at home with yourself. This is the door to fulfillment—walk through!
     

2. Blaming others

When we blame others for our present circumstances we inherently keep our issues outside of ourselves. We are automatically disconnected. We haven’t looked within to find answers or to check in with how we ended up where we are. If you’re constantly asking yourself who out there is making me dissatisfied then you are moving further and further away from yourself.

This act of looking outside for answers pushes us away from ourselves and others. We create shame around those situations. We may feel ashamed for shaming others. There is a gaping hole in our life. Not only are we dissatisfied and angry but we are also dumping this onto someone else.

We’ve all been in a place where we’ve felt victimized. Some of us have suffered immeasurably; I’m not referring to those who have been abused and mistreated. I’m referring to small to medium sized unhappy situations in our life where we want to tell someone else that they are to blame. For the purpose of this article we will concentrate on these types of scenarios.

Exercise to reconnect to you: 

  1. Think of three situations where you felt victimized by others. Again these are small to medium sized situations. For example, you didn’t get the promotion at work.

    Write down these situations in a summarized version in the sequence that they happened.
  • Imagine you fully intended for it to work out the way that it did
  • Beside the sequence of events write down the steps you took to make sure to that it happened that way
  • Label those steps as the “best choices I made at the time”

This exercise is very empowering and downright scary at times. To look at scenarios in this light can be very uncomfortable. The point of this is to take back power and move into acceptance of the choices we made. Once we are in this place we aren’t afraid to face what we may have been running away from. This insight automatically creates a deep connection with ourselves. Once we open the doors of insight and acknowledgement, we feel more fulfillment, more satisfaction. We aren’t blaming ourselves or others. We are standing in the full awareness that we made the best choices we could and that no one is to blame for our lives.

 

3. Criticising ourselves

How do you feel around those who criticize you? You don’t want to be around them do you?

Doing this to yourself pushes away the deep part of yourself—the True Self. There is no way to feel connected to ourselves if we are chronically critical. In order to feel safe we have to look at ourselves with compassion and understanding. When we treat ourselves with the love that we deserve, we feel an immediate connection. This brings the feelings of satisfaction and fulfillment to the forefront. Can you look at yourself in the mirror and say, “you’re doing a great job!”?

Exercise to reconnect to you:

  • Write down a list of flaws that you think you have. It doesn’t matter how many there are. You need to be real about how you feel about yourself.
  • Beside each flaw write down why you love this flaw. For example, I love the fact that I have OCD tendencies because I’m so organized and I can help others to get organized.

    This exercise is about shifting your perspective. You may judge yourself for having flaws, so what if you acknowledged the flaw but added a love message about it too?

The more we can align with ourselves in full awareness—flaws and all—the more connection we feel. Our True Self wants to love us no matter what. Once you reconnect with this wonderful part of you you’ll be surprised at how fulfilled and satisfied you feel.

Take some time to look at the three areas that we disconnect with ourselves and see what feels true for you. Try the exercises and journal about the shifts and changes that happen internally. This is a process—it doesn’t happen overnight—but just know that you can feel fulfilled and profoundly connected to yourself. This is our natural state. Remember: You are home.

 

Inspiration Station: How to Change the World from your Own Backyard

I binge watched Orange is the New Black on Netflix and now I’m perturbed that I have to wait until who knows when for the next season; I admit it. I have unhealthy attachments to my iPhone, Facebook page and emails—full confession.

However, I’m a little bit uncomfortable about ignoring the giant catastrophe that is our planetary reality at the moment. Plastic bottles choke our oceans. Football-sized sections of Rainforest get mowed down every second. Climate change(s). At this point I’m poised for the day when I say oops where’s my electricity? Gone forever (voice in my head).

Which is why my ears perk up when I hear about people making change. I don’t mean those who sit in a boardroom and discuss policies lined up for 2099. I mean the people who take inspired and enlightened action: now.
 

Where does it start? With the Basics.

Allow me to present Back to Basics Social Developments—a not for profit organization with a focus on youth programs that benefit the whole community. In 2009 Executive Director, Andrew Miller and Director of Arts & Music, Shane Dennis manifested their collective vision for change and voila: the Unity Café in Barrie was born.

Part hip hop chic, part farmers with style, Unity boasts a recording studio, bustling café and community kitchen. This uplifting project weaves together a sustainable food and housing system (use of urban, rural and vertical farming) with educational programs on organic cooking, art, and music—all youth and activist friendly. The melding of artistic energy (Dennis) and a love of the land (Miller), seems to be the ultimate synergistic partnership.

So much so that the concept morphed into The Global Unity project; a free franchise business model that uses the principles of sustainable living and equal accessibility to resources. In 2013, The Georgina Island First Nations community developed a store and community gardens based on this model.

And that, folks, is just the tip of the melting iceberg.
 

Where does it grow from here? It’s planetary.

In true activist form, Miller doesn’t rest on his laurels; he’s taking the Unity vision up a notch as Director of New Earth Urban. This enthusiastic, self-proclaimed Executive Tree Hugger (why can’t I think of cool titles like that?) is on a mission. Please note: this is not mission impossible or “drinking the Kool-Aid” (google it).

New Earth is an international organization committed to improving the planet using an entirely new paradigm. The proven sustainable systems and models nurtured at The Global Unity project, will now translate into the New Earth projects.

Let’s face it—our current economic and environmental system is badly broken and a whole new outlook on life is needed. This is where you come in! Here’s what it means to be an activist in today’s world according to Back to Basics Social Developments:

  • Are you like Miller? “I wanted to stop doing things as [just] an individual”
  • Act local, think global; “localize principles while sharing knowledge globally”
  • Focus on sustainability in a peaceful and loving way
  • Inspire others: “Youth have found enough inspiration by this work to completely change their lives, even finding inspiration from being suicidal”, explained Miller when I asked how these projects impact those they serve

So, if this sounds like you, grab a towel and “don’t panic” (hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy reference).

Bring your skills to the virtual table; register here as a New Earth contributor or contact Andrew Miller for the Toronto, Canada area here: back2basics09@gmail.com.

Projects in the works include locations in Southern Ontario starting this summer, but the reach is global. Special thanks to Canadian Organic Grower's Toronto 2014 Conference for highlighting all the wonderful things people are doing to change the world!!

Eleanor Healy

 

Add Yourself to the To-Do List

Do you find yourself so caught up in others or helping people that you forget to care for yourself? Do you lose sleep? Forget to eat? Skip meals and go without breaks?

I’ve talked to clients about this and it really is a common spiral that leads you into the realm of breakdown, burn out. I’ve been there. I’ve gone into the obsessive dark side of helping others so much that it was really to my own detriment. I learned this the very hard way.

So, what do you do when you focus too much on others? First, of all I’m not saying that we can’t help people and friends/families-of course being helpful and supportive is what makes the world a wonderful place. Another point—being a parent of course involves doing a lot for your children and making sacrifices. This is needed to raise healthy, happy children, but there needs to be a balance—parent time and/or relationship time. So, overall, there is a limit and we need to see the line in the sand.
 

Take this little quiz to see where you are on the scale:

  1. How many times per week do you skip lunch and/or dinner to run around for people, either at their request, or worse, of your own volition?
  2. How many times per week do you feel resentful of others for not appreciating what you do for them?
  3. How many times per week do you feel exhausted from a chaotic day filled with errands, tasks and jobs that have to do with others and are not in any way supportive of the things you like to do?
  4. How many people do you care for, not including children and spouses/partners?
  5. How often do you find yourself thinking about other people’s problems and dilemmas? Do you lose sleep over them?

If you spend 4-5 days per week on numbers 1-3, then you have definitely left yourself out of the equation.
If you answered the same to number 5 then your time is spent focusing on others to your own detriment.
Number 4 is just to give you an idea of the extent of your responsibilities…that may turn into a burden.
 

What can you do to turn things around?

Here are some things that I do to remind myself that I’m very important and special and without my health, vitality and wellness, there is nothing. I can’t do anything for others unless I have a solid foundation.

  1. Put time into your agenda
    to do some of your favourite silly things that have nothing at all to do with responsibility or obligation (Mine is either: reading an Archie comic, going for a walk in the park beside my house, listening to Hayhouse radio, baking cookies, going to bootcamp)
     
  2. Focus on pampering.
    (Mine are: bath with epsom salt or lavender essential oil, give myself a pedicure & paint my toenails)
     
  3. Take a nap.
    (I love to nap on my days off or in the evening when I get home after a long, stressful day—you can set the alarm if you’re worried about sleeping too long)
     
  4. Stop and assess how you feel.
    (Pick a time in the day-for example at 2pm in the afternoon in the middle of the work day. Go into the bathroom or somewhere private and breathe for a minute and then ask yourself silently, How do I feel? How is my day going? Am I hungry? Am I thirsty? Pay attention and do what your body or emotional self is asking for. Maybe it means go outside and sit in the sun for 10 minutes or head to the cafe for a latte/tea)
     
  5. Be easy on yourself.
    (Write down at the end of the day—What did I do really well today? What am I proud of that I’ve done for myself today? Give an example of what you did to make your life easier that day…for example, Did I take the scenic route home? Did I voice my opinion in the board meeting?)
     

Try these suggestions for 2 weeks and see how you feel! Focus on the idea that without you, there is nothing. You are the centre of your own universe. You are the most important person to look after and when you do, others will benefit the most.

If this sounds simplistic, it is. Life is not meant to be a struggle. Let’s all keep this in mind as we go about our day, being helpful and supportive (as a balanced, whole person).

 

Photo credit: Brooklyn Morgan

Ack! What to do When you Acted Badly

I like to consider myself a kind and caring individual with a lot of wonderful qualities. I would also go so far as saying that I’m a very aware kind of person—alert to any dangerous ego imbalances. I spend time “working” on my principles of body, mind, spirit balance and I follow a daily practice that keeps me on track. So, it was quite a blow when I realized with that really icky feeling in my gut that I’d acted totally inconsiderately…to one of my best friends no less! Here I was concentrating on how someone over here who I feel had really wronged me and you have no idea how inconsiderate and hurtful they had been (this was the running tape in my mind) when all along I was mirroring that behaviour towards a close friend of mine. For shame.

It really hit me like a ton of bricks. I won’t lie when I say I probably looked like one of those gaping-mouthed morons that says, what are you talking about—ME???!! I was not called out by anybody except for the very merciless Universe (in other words you are the only one in the room and all arrows point straight into your shocked face). When those aha moments come at you they really zoom in on the bullseye. After I’d recovered from the dizzying notion that I had acted without regard to someone’s boundaries and generosity…ok lets just say I bulldozed right through them…I felt sick. How could I call myself a spiritual and aware person when I acted this way?

This is when my awareness expanded. Here are some ways I took the opportunity to see what was presented to me, so that I could work towards remedying the situation.

  1. I threw out the idea that I don’t make mistakes.
    Of course I know this, but sometimes I skate along nicely for a good long time under the false impression that I’m really gonna make it through without hurting others, screwing up or creating conflict. I’m like phew! I’m past the point of no return! Nice try. Life is about living in awareness when hurt, conflict or upset comes along-not foolishly trying to eliminate it altogether.
     
  2. I felt all the ickiness.
    I allowed myself to feel ashamed and embarrassed for what I had done. I allowed myself to feel angry for not seeing it. I allowed myself to feel that I had acted like a jerk. However, I did not tell myself I was no good or unworthy or banished for life to the ends of the earth. I have learned that the best place to start being compassionate is within ourselves. Accept and acknowledge your mistakes, but don’t crucify yourself for them.
     
  3. I asked for help.
    Whether you call it your Higher Self, the Universe, Source, Higher Power—whatever way you say it—this energy is there to help us. I poured out my feelings about how I’d acted. I asked to see what I needed to see out of this scenario and also what my next action step should be. A good place to start is always an apology—to the person effected and to yourself (for acting out of integrity).
     
  4. Then I took action. I put into motion a plan to remedy the situation. Sometimes there is really nothing to do except to fully accept the circumstances and to love yourself anyway. In other words forgive yourself and respect the person for their reactions. Maybe it’s not all warm and fuzzy and they are really angry with you or don’t want to interact with you for awhile. Acting out of integrity means allowing others to have their own feelings and respecting them for it. We can’t control others and we certainly don’t want them to feign niceness out of any sense of obligation or falseness. We can be grateful for an honest reaction. It allows us to realize where we stand.

The bottom line is that even if our own icky actions catch us unawares, it’s alright. Beautiful lessons and expansion can occur if we are willing to face ourselves and bravely admit our failings. This takes courage and dignity. In the end, you will grow from it and hopefully recognize when you are driving off the road for a time. I am personally grateful that my friend is very aware herself and that we will build a stronger foundation for future adventures in friendship.

Posted on October 30, 2014 and filed under Uncategorized.