Posts filed under emotional growth

3 Ways to Accept Yourself and Live a Happier Life

Social media is a breeding ground for epically low self-esteem, comparisonitis and basically wishing you were anyone else. Being bombarded on a daily basis by the supermodel instagrammers, the jetsetters who globetrot with their entourage of cats and funny memes and even your colleague with the new blindingly white smile, it’s a wonder we can even get up in the morning.

How do we accept ourselves when everyone else seems to be skinnier, happier and richer or spending time with someone who is skinnier, happier and richer than they are?

Self-acceptance is a magical force—the more we lean into it, the more we flourish and flower and thrive.

Here are 3 ways to start accepting yourself (so you can stop feeling bad by what everyone else is doing) and feel happier in your own skin!

1.       Let go of resistance to what is. Resistance looks like wishing, hoping, denying, criticizing, cursing, raging against, forcing, ridiculing, belittling, shaming, ignoring, depriving and disconnecting. The things about you that you can’t change are: height, age, race, orientation and past experiences. Not a long list is it? Sit with those aspects of yourself and say: I accept that I am ….. and read out these aspects. Spend every day accepting and acknowledging these aspects of yourself. When you feel comfortable with that, you can move into: I love that I am … read out the same aspects.
 

2.       Ask yourself what you’re unhappy with. Is it your weight? Your income? Your relationship status? All these things you can change. BUT FIRST YOU HAVE TO ACKNOWLEDGE AND ACCEPT THEM THE WAY THEY ARE RIGHT NOW. Ok, so I’m 180 lbs right now. I’m making $40,000 per year. I’m single. Say these things out loud. This is where the saying “say it like it is” comes in. You have to look at your life with an honest lens. You have to accept what is.
 

3.       Release the emotional charge around the sticky points. If you’ve always had a problem with your weight or if you can’t find a healthy relationship then there are a lot of emotions tied up in that experience. In order to change anything, you have to clear the barriers in the way of making change: negative emotions and beliefs. Use tapping (tap on one point and tell the story of that experience until you have a release) to let go of the emotions surrounding your weight, relationship status and income situation. From there you can actually move forward and start making changes.

One last point about all the fabulous, beautiful and fancy free people on social media. They deserve to be happy too don’t they? If they become unhappy or suddenly aren’t as beautiful as they were or lose all their money, would all that goodness transfer to your life? No. So stay in your own lane, but wave and blow kisses to all those beside you. They all want what you want: to live a happy and fulfilling life. Let’s cheer each other on.

For more resources on how to be who you’re meant to be while surrounded by other high-vibing truth seekers, join my Facebook group: Heal Your Emotions, Heal Your Body

5 Ways You May Be Sabotaging Your Healing Journey

Why is it that as humans we create endless ways to kibosh our own health and happiness? Are we just a bunch of weirdos on our way to the Masochist’s Ball?

One surefire way to find out: peruse this list and see how many yeses you tick off. If it’s 5 out of 5 then I’m not sure there is any help for you. Kidding! Awareness is the key to pulling yourself off the merri-go-round of misery and placing you onto the clear path of wholeness and freedom.

Here are five ways you may be stopping yourself from getting there:

1.       Blaming others. The easiest thing to do at times is to point your trusty finger at “all the things I didn’t have growing up”, “my family doesn’t support me” or any other reason you deem responsible for your current situation. The act of blaming others robs you of your own personal power and keeps you in a spin cycle of resentment, disappointment, and frustration. When we can accept that we have 100% choice in every single moment to do what we need to do for ourselves, we will make progress.
 

2.       Doing all the things. If you’re constantly leaping from one diet to another, working with umpteen different healers, cleansing every orifice and basically grasping at every straw there is, your body, mind and spirit will be in a constant state of upheaval. You need to tune in and listen to what you need and work with one healer you trust until you see some movement. A hundred methods and modalities are not better than one process that feels right. Stick with a plan and stay with it until you see changes.
 

3.       Expectations. Do you expect your symptoms to go away in a blink of an eye even though it took decades to create them? Are you hoping that if you find the right healer, method or modality, all problems will disappear after one or two sessions? Yes, miracles happen and we can heal “spontaneously”, however we need to lay the groundwork for this to occur. You need to prepare yourself physically, mentally and emotionally to be well. It sounds funny, but this is everything.  
 

4.       Letting negativity take over. We all have sour puss days where we want to grumble and whine and say things like: I’ll never get better! I’m doomed to a life of hell! I hate my life!

We need to honour that—let those emotions out and keep going. Never let these negative thoughts and emotions paint the backdrop of your experiences. It’s like mixing black paint into all the rainbow colours. Give yourself permission to spew out the ugliness in a healthy way (journaling, tapping and talking to a trusted mentor) and then focus on what you want to create.
 

5.       Being a hater. How often do you berate your body? Do you criticize and reprimand yourself for not being good enough? Are you constantly telling yourself that you screwed up again—you should’ve stuck with your plan? This is by far the most damaging pattern. Your body is your companion in this lifetime and is trying to make you happy. Your body responds to all the thoughts and beliefs and emotions that you feed it (the same way it responds to the food that it receives; garbage in, garbage out). So, if you don’t like what your body is doing, take an honest appraisal of what it has to work with.

This list is meant to help you see that the world is not against us and that there is no conspiracy to keep you stuck and miserable and sick. When we know better, we do better. So, if you are doing any of these five things to hinder your progress, now is the perfect time to stop doing them.

If you need help with your healing journey and are ready to focus on wholeness and freedom send me a message or comment below. May you find exactly what you need.  

Five Ways to Feel Like Yourself Again

Just can’t shake that feeling of being totally “off”?

Maybe it’s been a weird day … or week … or most of your thirties bit the big one.

If it seems like you’ve drifted away from who you are … only to find yourself on a desert island of WTF: don’t worry! There is a raft heading your way right now.

First, we need to look at the root cause of why we feel off in the first place. Like how did we end up here with our tattered shirt wrapped around our head, trying to spear fish with our house key?

How did we end up feeling like a completely unrecognizable version of ourselves?

1. What are you doing to throw yourself off?

Take a long hard look at what you’ve been doing in the past few months and weeks (or years) leading up to this lost-self-scenario.

My example would be that I used to take on every project I’d ever wanted to do ALL AT ONCE and proceed to give myself a deadline of yesterday. Time waits for no one I used to tell myself. A couple weeks into this self-imposed boot camp I’m bedridden—binge watching Netflix and wearing the same clothes from last week.

The point is that the patterns are easy to spot once we look for them. Can you say warning signs?!

2. Are you pushing yourself too hard?

Throwing yourself off meet pushing yourself too hard. I’m sure you two will get along great. You have so much in common.

We all know that pushing leads to collapse or burnout or collapse and burnout. Even inanimate objects experience this. As an example, did you know that if you push a coffee maker too hard and make it pump out cup after cup without a break that it will eventually start projectile vomiting water across your kitchen counter? Or, so I’ve heard.

Anyway, we all know that pushing ourselves too hard is a recipe for disaster. Look at what you can do in pieces, one after the other.

How can you space projects out so that you have time to breathe in between?

When can you take time off even if it’s just an afternoon to spend in the park?

Awareness is key so make sure to be on alert for when you’re pushing yourself as opposed to having a healthy motivation for your schedule.

3. Are you asking for help?

Our society can no longer worship the individual. The individual is part of the whole. The individual is part of the group and community that we need so much.

We need that collaboration and support.

We need to feel connected to others as we go for our dreams in life.

Collaboration, community and relationships are the most important principles in life today—aside from sharing love. Without our community behind or with us, we are always going to feel lost or off.

Find your people—whether it’s a social group, exercise group, political group or spiritual group—stay connected. Ask for help. Reach out and do things with others who have a common goal.

4. Getting that desperate feeling

Sometimes we start to panic and feel really out of it. Maybe we’ve gone so far that we can’t really find our way back home to ourselves. Its ok, we’ve all been there. The way back is to reconnect to our True Self.

Find time in the morning or at night to breathe deeply and envision roots growing from your feet into the centre of the earth.

Spend time with your eyes closed and feel the communion with your True Self. Do this regularly so that you always maintain that connection. The source of most anxiety and feeling of confusion is due to the fact that we’ve disconnected from who we really are.

5. What do you love?

What you love is who you are.

What you love is an expression of your life.

When you connect to that, you are connected to your True Self, your core.

This is the quickest way to feel like yourself again:

Reaffirm what you love.

Make a list.

Tell someone.

Make plans to express what you love in the world.

You can’t feel out of it when you are doing or being what you love—it is impossible.

Try to use these five tips as a maintenance tool or a sign post—when you start to feel wobbly go back to one of these steps. And the thing to remember is that no matter how off you may feel, you are never far from your True Self.

Remember: YOU are home.

I would love to hear how you connect to yourself or what you love. Share below in the comments!

Peace at Last? Body vs Mind

One summer afternoon, Mind and Body watch the sun dance on the water.

Although the scenery is peaceful and lovely, Mind is irritated with Body, as usual.

“You’re getting quite hefty,” Mind observes, sweeping her eyes over Body disapprovingly.

“What would you know? You’ve never been anything more than a bunch of thoughts. You don’t understand the physical. You’re all up in your head all the time.”

“A big FAT head, you’re right about that,” Mind shoots back.

Body folds her arms and turns away from Mind. Her stomach tightens. Ice cream would be good right now. Anything to override this tension.  

What does Mind know anyway? It’s not easy being flesh and blood.

Mind can’t handle a fifth of the nasty shit Body puts up with on the regular.
 

Body remarks coldly, “You’ve never felt anything in your life. You just THINK you have.” Body chuckles at her cleverness. 

Mind stews over this for an hour and a half. She unpacks each sentence and replays the words, making note of every nuance and tone Body used.

Her conclusion is that Body hates her and wants to destroy Mind.

Mind begins to plot her revenge.

“Next time you go out on the town be sure to wear your tight purple dress—the one that shows off all your bulges … I mean curves.” Mind sits back, proud of her Machiavellian style attack.

Mind feels triumphant: Body can’t take anyone criticizing her size!
 

But to Mind’s surprise, Body pulls herself up to full height.

And begins to dance. And twirl and twirl.

She flings her arms out, feeling the wind in her fingers and the song in her heart.

Each twirl fills Body with more and more joy.

Mind yells, “Stop this stupidity!”

Body twirls and twirls.

 

Mind wails, “The neighbours will laugh!”

Body sways and jumps, blood pulsating through her veins.

Mind stops yelling.

Mind stops everything. 

This is kinda cool she thinks grudgingly.

And she falls silent.

And Body dances and dances and dances.

 

Have you ever felt as if your mind and body were battling it out? Share your comments and stories below.

WHY AM I STILL FEELING AWFUL?

I used to think that I would literally never find relief from my longterm health issues: skin, digestive pain/imbalance and massive anxiety.

At one point I seriously thought I’d spend the rest of my life like a vegetable on medication, completely dysfunctional and of no use to anyone.
 

I had tried everything to make my symptoms go away.

I had put all my energy into “getting rid of the problem.”

Nothing was working: I was at my wit’s end.

I still felt awful and I accepted that I would probably always feel awful.


THERE WAS NO WAY OUT


We can paint ourselves into a corner sometimes.

We are not able to see the solution.

We really don’t even know what the problem is.

 

Here is a truth bomb that changed everything for me:

OUR SYMPTOMS ARE NOT THE PROBLEM, WE ARE THE PROBLEM
 

Your perspective of the problem is off.

Your solutions aren’t addressing the cause of the problem.

Your actions are not healing the ACTUAL CAUSES OF YOUR HEALTH PROBLEMS.

I know this all sounds harsh but you need a wake-up call so you don’t spend twenty years figuring things out (like I did).
 

HOW TO SHIFT

1.       Ask your health issue what it is trying to tell you. Journal about it. Meditate on it. Listen.

2.       Get in touch with your body everyday—ask what your body needs, how you’re feeling, spend time tuning in physically to your body.

3.       Look at your life patterns emotionally: what is your dominant experience to life? (ex. Disappointment, resentment, anger, fear of being criticized). Journal about it. Meditate on it. Listen.

THESE THREE TECHNIQUES WILL PROFOUNDLY SHIFT YOUR LIFE AND GET YOU IN TOUCH WITH WHO YOU REALLY ARE: YOUR TRUE SELF. YOUR TRUE SELF KNOWS ALL THE ANSWERS AND IS PATIENTLY WAITING FOR YOU TO EMBRACE YOUR TRANSFORMATION.

Comment below with your ahas!

Three Ways to Stop Devaluing Yourself

Do you ever do things that don't feel very good but that you think you should be doing anyway--to be a good person or to do the right thing? I get it--I just described most of my teens and twenties. The problem with behaving in ways that don't feel good is that you are not valuing yourself. We get so wrapped up in being the good daughter or the perfect employee or the helpful citizen that we lose sight of our own needs and desires. That is the ultimate devaluing practice. The consequences are far reaching; we may feel depressed, unfulfilled, anxious, bitter, resentful or just plain exhausted.

Here are three ways that you may not be valuing yourself and exercises that you can do to practice self-love instead:

1. Constant Improvements. If you are like me, you enjoy the practice of self-improvement and personal development. However, we can fall into the trap where we get so determined to improve this and improve that, that we don't stop and say, "This feeling is ok" or "I'm ok the way I am. Yes, I want to grow and evolve but I am perfect the way I am right now." You are ok the way you are--no matter what flaws you feel that you have. All your feelings are ok. Come from that place and move forward. Exercise: Write down all the things you want to improve about yourself and then write down beside each one, "I love this flaw. I love myself no matter what." Repeat these out loud. When you start to feel more loving towards yourself then you can move on to expanding into the new.

2. Holding back for others. You're a loving and compassionate person. That doesn't mean that you need to stay where you are because others are in a certain stage in their life. It may be scary to change and grow when others around you aren't, but there is nothing scarier than stagnation and wasting your precious life. Ask yourself--what will happen if my loved ones stay where they are and I evolve into my greatest potential? Will they walk away? Will they be angry, jealous or resentful? Will they reject me? I have relatives that no longer talk to me because they were so uncomfortable with my spiritual and personal growth. It was damn painful. But ultimately I came to the realization that I'm living my life, not theirs. On the other hand, I've bonded more than ever with other loved ones. The bottom line is that making others comfortable is a terrible trap and you're the one who will suffer the most. Exercise: Make a declaration in your journal: "As I grow, I invite others to grow. As I shine my light, I invite others to shine their light. As I love myself, others will be inspired to also go within and love themselves. I acknowledge my free will and the free will of others to take this spiritual invitation. I love myself no matter what the choice of others may be. I trust that those who love me unconditionally will surround me. My self-love sustains me through all. And so it is."

3. Doing things for the greater good. As a beautiful and giving person, you decide that you're going to be selfless and do what's for the greater good (best for everyone). You may decide to do your spiritual duty and put aside your personal desires and needs to help others or improve a situation. This is another big trap. We are here to model and show others how to love ourselves more deeply and more authentically. That means that as we value and honor our own desires and needs, we let others know its ok for them to do the same. This creates a ripple effect happens that spreads love around the world--for the greater good. Exercise: Visualize energy coming from above and below you, running through you and exiting through your heart space and expanding out. Do this every day for two minutes. You will train yourself to give from the inside out, filling yourself up first.

Looking for more practical ways to love and honor yourself? Dive in with my self-help ebook based on my spiritual journey from self-sabotage to self-love. Practical exercises and inspiration included!

What Would Little Red Riding Hood Do? 7 Ways to Face Your Wolf and Live Happily Ever After

Comment below: How do you practice self-love?

How to Know When You're Being Manipulated by Fear (and what to do)

Have you ever been hounded by someone's fear-based opinions until you felt totally panicky and thrown off? It's scary and intense, right? In this video, I offer you some tips on how to recognize fear-based manipulation and what to do about it! Make your own opinions and decisions from a place of reason and common sense. Don't let anyone lead you down the wrong track! Take your power back--you get to choose how you feel.

Posted on July 28, 2016 and filed under emotional growth.

Your Essence Makes You Invaluable

Have you ever felt that you had nothing to offer…no gifts to share whatsoever?

During spells of frustration or despair, it’s common to feel worthless. It can seem that everyone else is far more brilliant, beautiful & worthy of consideration.

In times like these, take solace in the one thing that you can offer that no-one else can: your unique perspective.

You see, nobody looks at the world the way that you do, nor thinks in exactly the same way. Once you start to engage your innate intelligence, be it simple and from the heart or complex and of the mind, your unique creativity begins to shine, and you become a beacon of brilliance.

You may be sitting on the one solution that no-one else can imagine, or you may hold just the right words to bring comfort and understanding to a tense situation. You never know until you start to apply your mind, your perspective & your creativity to something outside of yourself.

And sometimes, you don’t even need to EXPRESS your essence. Consider the CEO who sits with her team-leaders, intently listening to their ideas until brilliance is born. By simply sitting in active contemplation, you “magically” amplify the collective consciousness.

How will YOU influence the world TODAY?

Posted on July 21, 2016 and filed under emotional growth.

Change One Thing

Sometimes it seems like nothing works the way it should. If you’re a human, you have probably hit that point where work is no fun, relationship is a struggle and you don’t even feel comfortable in your body.

At times like these, changing your life can seem overwhelming. There’s so much to do…where do you even start?

It’s quite simple, really…just change ONE thing.

Read a magazine article you would never typically even consider. Try a new type of restaurant. Take a different route to work. Any simple change of scenery can shift your perspective, and has the potential to drastically transform your life.

It’s like a ship at sea…if it changes course even one degree, 100 miles later it’s in completely new waters.

Of course, the most profound shifts are the ones you make on the inside. Annoyance can easily be turned into fascination. Frustration can be flipped to become gratitude. Even anger can be transformed if you simply turn it into a song.

You don’t have to tackle the whole enchilada, just make one simple shift.

And the best part is…it’s all experimentation. If you don’t like your new perspective, you can always go back to your old one.

What “one-degree” shift can YOU make TODAY?

Posted on July 13, 2016 and filed under emotional growth.

Don’t Try to Make Lemonade (out of lemons) Without Doing This First

Sometimes life really sucks. Maybe you’re going through a divorce or your child is sick or you’re sick. Basically, you’re on your hands and knees either praying or searching the floor for answers. How on earth do you deal with this pile of lemons that life handed you? You certainly don’t run out and get all the equipment to make lemonade. Hold on! First and foremost, you need to process the situation and get to a strong enough place to be able to make the gosh-darn lemonade. Here is the process that I use to recover from lemon sh*t storms (eg. ugly breakups, health challenges and/or financial crises):

1.       Don’t sugar coat it. Yes, of course, a positive attitude is necessary in life and your attitude and choices do make a difference. However, when you’re lying face down in the dirt, you certainly don’t want some Pollyanna to come along and say, “Just look at the bright side.” Clear the room of all annoyingly positive people who want you to quickly get over your “negative” feelings. Find a listener who is willing to be there while you talk about how horrible everything is. (Put a time limit on this).

2.       Take care of yourself. If you’re not able to muster the strength to cook, eat or drink fluids then call someone to take care of you. Just because you’re suffering emotionally doesn’t mean you have to drive your body to the brink of dehydration and malnourishment. Don’t forget this part: the proper nutrition will feed your brain and allow you to process your emotions. Essentially, food and water will help you heal your trauma faster. If you don’t have an appetite, drink fluids and eat soup broth. Note: feeling selfish for doing this is so 1985.

3.       Enlist a helper. When you need to get day to day things done, but you’re in the midst of an emotional upheaval, you need to ask for help. Get someone to take care of the mail, make phone calls, feed the pets, etc. Don’t let daily tasks worry or burden you—you have bigger things to deal with. Note: see note under #2.

4.       Make decisions to the best of your ability. There are times when we have to make some really hard decisions—maybe we need to figure out where to live or what to do after a job loss or what treatment would be the best for a family member. Once you have the bases covered (#1-3) you can free up some energy to make decisions. Ask yourself the hard questions, let them come up. Voice your worst case scenario or biggest fear (fears lose their power if they are brought into the light). Then close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and ask for guidance. What follows may be an insight, a gut feeling or an urge to take the next step. Follow it.

5.       Find the feel better button. Find one thing that makes you feel better—whether it’s watching silly cat videos on YouTube or reading Archie comics— and do that. It lifts your spirits without denying the gravity of the situation. Doing simple things that make you feel better opens you up to more of the feel good hormones and allows you to think more clearly. Think of it as fine tuning your inner world.

Situations that take us down are painful, horrible and traumatic. When we make it to the others side, we learn how strong we are, how loving we can be and how compassionate we are for others. I’m not saying that it’s such a wonderful thing to go through bleak times, but there is definitely an upswing. When you start to feel like making lemonade, you know that you’re through the worst of it.

Discussion: What do you do when life throws you lemons? Comment below and share with your friends!

How to Move Forward When You Feel Stuck (even if your inner critic is going nuts)

Spinning your wheels with your goals? Is your inner critic letting you have it--"Why Can't You Figure This Out? What's Wrong with you?"
In this video you'll get some Truly Powerful Quick Tips on how to move past your inner critic and start gaining momentum again. Your dreams await!

Posted on June 9, 2016 and filed under emotional growth.

How to Win at Conflict Resolution (even when dealing with a drove of asses) TPQT #8

Truly Powerful Quick Tips--Video Series: Video #8
If you’ve ever had a major blow-out with a wildly unreasonable person, then you’re familiar with the emotional aftermath: powerlessness, frustration and outrage. Which is why many of us avoid standing up for ourselves (or doing anything that may cause conflict in the first place). What if there was a way to resolve conflict that does not rely on the reasonableness of the other party? In this quick and powerful video, I give you solid pointers on winning at conflict resolution--no matter who is staring you down across the table. Learn simple and effective tips to bring out the best possible outcome for everyone.
 

How to Get Past Fear to Get Sh*t Done (even if you feel paralyzed)

Do you really, really want to get something done, but you're terrified out of your mind to do it? In this Truly Powerful Quick Tip video (video #7 of 7), I talk about things you may be unaware of that greatly effect your confidence and ability to go for it in life. I also mentions a way to look at your situation that can also lift you above your own fears. Don't miss this one if you have a lot of big stuff to do and you're tired of letting fear get in the way.

How to Make Your Inner Child Super Happy-Pts 1, 2 & 3

Check out this fun little activity I did with a friend on her balcony. Slow motion-so cool!!
Pt 1 below:

Part 2--Things take an unexpected turn! Oh how it makes my inner child giggle lol

Part 3--I wasn't known for being a giggle monster for nothing as a child! This reminds me--when did I get so serious??!!