Posts filed under emotional growth

Three Ways to Stop Devaluing Yourself

Do you ever do things that don't feel very good but that you think you should be doing anyway--to be a good person or to do the right thing? I get it--I just described most of my teens and twenties. The problem with behaving in ways that don't feel good is that you are not valuing yourself. We get so wrapped up in being the good daughter or the perfect employee or the helpful citizen that we lose sight of our own needs and desires. That is the ultimate devaluing practice. The consequences are far reaching; we may feel depressed, unfulfilled, anxious, bitter, resentful or just plain exhausted.

Here are three ways that you may not be valuing yourself and exercises that you can do to practice self-love instead:

1. Constant Improvements. If you are like me, you enjoy the practice of self-improvement and personal development. However, we can fall into the trap where we get so determined to improve this and improve that, that we don't stop and say, "This feeling is ok" or "I'm ok the way I am. Yes, I want to grow and evolve but I am perfect the way I am right now." You are ok the way you are--no matter what flaws you feel that you have. All your feelings are ok. Come from that place and move forward. Exercise: Write down all the things you want to improve about yourself and then write down beside each one, "I love this flaw. I love myself no matter what." Repeat these out loud. When you start to feel more loving towards yourself then you can move on to expanding into the new.

2. Holding back for others. You're a loving and compassionate person. That doesn't mean that you need to stay where you are because others are in a certain stage in their life. It may be scary to change and grow when others around you aren't, but there is nothing scarier than stagnation and wasting your precious life. Ask yourself--what will happen if my loved ones stay where they are and I evolve into my greatest potential? Will they walk away? Will they be angry, jealous or resentful? Will they reject me? I have relatives that no longer talk to me because they were so uncomfortable with my spiritual and personal growth. It was damn painful. But ultimately I came to the realization that I'm living my life, not theirs. On the other hand, I've bonded more than ever with other loved ones. The bottom line is that making others comfortable is a terrible trap and you're the one who will suffer the most. Exercise: Make a declaration in your journal: "As I grow, I invite others to grow. As I shine my light, I invite others to shine their light. As I love myself, others will be inspired to also go within and love themselves. I acknowledge my free will and the free will of others to take this spiritual invitation. I love myself no matter what the choice of others may be. I trust that those who love me unconditionally will surround me. My self-love sustains me through all. And so it is."

3. Doing things for the greater good. As a beautiful and giving person, you decide that you're going to be selfless and do what's for the greater good (best for everyone). You may decide to do your spiritual duty and put aside your personal desires and needs to help others or improve a situation. This is another big trap. We are here to model and show others how to love ourselves more deeply and more authentically. That means that as we value and honor our own desires and needs, we let others know its ok for them to do the same. This creates a ripple effect happens that spreads love around the world--for the greater good. Exercise: Visualize energy coming from above and below you, running through you and exiting through your heart space and expanding out. Do this every day for two minutes. You will train yourself to give from the inside out, filling yourself up first.

Looking for more practical ways to love and honor yourself? Dive in with my self-help ebook based on my spiritual journey from self-sabotage to self-love. Practical exercises and inspiration included!

What Would Little Red Riding Hood Do? 7 Ways to Face Your Wolf and Live Happily Ever After

Comment below: How do you practice self-love?

How to Know When You're Being Manipulated by Fear (and what to do)

Have you ever been hounded by someone's fear-based opinions until you felt totally panicky and thrown off? It's scary and intense, right? In this video, I offer you some tips on how to recognize fear-based manipulation and what to do about it! Make your own opinions and decisions from a place of reason and common sense. Don't let anyone lead you down the wrong track! Take your power back--you get to choose how you feel.

Posted on July 28, 2016 and filed under emotional growth.

Your Essence Makes You Invaluable

Have you ever felt that you had nothing to offer…no gifts to share whatsoever?

During spells of frustration or despair, it’s common to feel worthless. It can seem that everyone else is far more brilliant, beautiful & worthy of consideration.

In times like these, take solace in the one thing that you can offer that no-one else can: your unique perspective.

You see, nobody looks at the world the way that you do, nor thinks in exactly the same way. Once you start to engage your innate intelligence, be it simple and from the heart or complex and of the mind, your unique creativity begins to shine, and you become a beacon of brilliance.

You may be sitting on the one solution that no-one else can imagine, or you may hold just the right words to bring comfort and understanding to a tense situation. You never know until you start to apply your mind, your perspective & your creativity to something outside of yourself.

And sometimes, you don’t even need to EXPRESS your essence. Consider the CEO who sits with her team-leaders, intently listening to their ideas until brilliance is born. By simply sitting in active contemplation, you “magically” amplify the collective consciousness.

How will YOU influence the world TODAY?

Posted on July 21, 2016 and filed under emotional growth.

Change One Thing

Sometimes it seems like nothing works the way it should. If you’re a human, you have probably hit that point where work is no fun, relationship is a struggle and you don’t even feel comfortable in your body.

At times like these, changing your life can seem overwhelming. There’s so much to do…where do you even start?

It’s quite simple, really…just change ONE thing.

Read a magazine article you would never typically even consider. Try a new type of restaurant. Take a different route to work. Any simple change of scenery can shift your perspective, and has the potential to drastically transform your life.

It’s like a ship at sea…if it changes course even one degree, 100 miles later it’s in completely new waters.

Of course, the most profound shifts are the ones you make on the inside. Annoyance can easily be turned into fascination. Frustration can be flipped to become gratitude. Even anger can be transformed if you simply turn it into a song.

You don’t have to tackle the whole enchilada, just make one simple shift.

And the best part is…it’s all experimentation. If you don’t like your new perspective, you can always go back to your old one.

What “one-degree” shift can YOU make TODAY?

Posted on July 13, 2016 and filed under emotional growth.

Don’t Try to Make Lemonade (out of lemons) Without Doing This First

Sometimes life really sucks. Maybe you’re going through a divorce or your child is sick or you’re sick. Basically, you’re on your hands and knees either praying or searching the floor for answers. How on earth do you deal with this pile of lemons that life handed you? You certainly don’t run out and get all the equipment to make lemonade. Hold on! First and foremost, you need to process the situation and get to a strong enough place to be able to make the gosh-darn lemonade. Here is the process that I use to recover from lemon sh*t storms (eg. ugly breakups, health challenges and/or financial crises):

1.       Don’t sugar coat it. Yes, of course, a positive attitude is necessary in life and your attitude and choices do make a difference. However, when you’re lying face down in the dirt, you certainly don’t want some Pollyanna to come along and say, “Just look at the bright side.” Clear the room of all annoyingly positive people who want you to quickly get over your “negative” feelings. Find a listener who is willing to be there while you talk about how horrible everything is. (Put a time limit on this).

2.       Take care of yourself. If you’re not able to muster the strength to cook, eat or drink fluids then call someone to take care of you. Just because you’re suffering emotionally doesn’t mean you have to drive your body to the brink of dehydration and malnourishment. Don’t forget this part: the proper nutrition will feed your brain and allow you to process your emotions. Essentially, food and water will help you heal your trauma faster. If you don’t have an appetite, drink fluids and eat soup broth. Note: feeling selfish for doing this is so 1985.

3.       Enlist a helper. When you need to get day to day things done, but you’re in the midst of an emotional upheaval, you need to ask for help. Get someone to take care of the mail, make phone calls, feed the pets, etc. Don’t let daily tasks worry or burden you—you have bigger things to deal with. Note: see note under #2.

4.       Make decisions to the best of your ability. There are times when we have to make some really hard decisions—maybe we need to figure out where to live or what to do after a job loss or what treatment would be the best for a family member. Once you have the bases covered (#1-3) you can free up some energy to make decisions. Ask yourself the hard questions, let them come up. Voice your worst case scenario or biggest fear (fears lose their power if they are brought into the light). Then close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and ask for guidance. What follows may be an insight, a gut feeling or an urge to take the next step. Follow it.

5.       Find the feel better button. Find one thing that makes you feel better—whether it’s watching silly cat videos on YouTube or reading Archie comics— and do that. It lifts your spirits without denying the gravity of the situation. Doing simple things that make you feel better opens you up to more of the feel good hormones and allows you to think more clearly. Think of it as fine tuning your inner world.

Situations that take us down are painful, horrible and traumatic. When we make it to the others side, we learn how strong we are, how loving we can be and how compassionate we are for others. I’m not saying that it’s such a wonderful thing to go through bleak times, but there is definitely an upswing. When you start to feel like making lemonade, you know that you’re through the worst of it.

Discussion: What do you do when life throws you lemons? Comment below and share with your friends!

How to Move Forward When You Feel Stuck (even if your inner critic is going nuts)

Spinning your wheels with your goals? Is your inner critic letting you have it--"Why Can't You Figure This Out? What's Wrong with you?"
In this video you'll get some Truly Powerful Quick Tips on how to move past your inner critic and start gaining momentum again. Your dreams await!

Posted on June 9, 2016 and filed under emotional growth.

How to Win at Conflict Resolution (even when dealing with a drove of asses) TPQT #8

Truly Powerful Quick Tips--Video Series: Video #8
If you’ve ever had a major blow-out with a wildly unreasonable person, then you’re familiar with the emotional aftermath: powerlessness, frustration and outrage. Which is why many of us avoid standing up for ourselves (or doing anything that may cause conflict in the first place). What if there was a way to resolve conflict that does not rely on the reasonableness of the other party? In this quick and powerful video, I give you solid pointers on winning at conflict resolution--no matter who is staring you down across the table. Learn simple and effective tips to bring out the best possible outcome for everyone.
 

How to Get Past Fear to Get Sh*t Done (even if you feel paralyzed)

Do you really, really want to get something done, but you're terrified out of your mind to do it? In this Truly Powerful Quick Tip video (video #7 of 7), I talk about things you may be unaware of that greatly effect your confidence and ability to go for it in life. I also mentions a way to look at your situation that can also lift you above your own fears. Don't miss this one if you have a lot of big stuff to do and you're tired of letting fear get in the way.

How to Make Your Inner Child Super Happy-Pts 1, 2 & 3

Check out this fun little activity I did with a friend on her balcony. Slow motion-so cool!!
Pt 1 below:

Part 2--Things take an unexpected turn! Oh how it makes my inner child giggle lol

Part 3--I wasn't known for being a giggle monster for nothing as a child! This reminds me--when did I get so serious??!!

How to Remind Yourself How Awesome You Are (even if you wish you could be Beyonce instead)

Do you love the Beyonces of the world, but feel crappy about yourself? There is a way to admire others and love yourself too!
In this video, I'll teach you how to have more confidence and reconnect with your own awesomeness. Learn about the super simple mirror trick and how to make sure you never live by the teeter totter metaphor again!

How to Make the Right Decision (even if you feel totally confused and overwhelmed)

In this video I'll give you a Truly Powerful quick tip on how to know right away what is the right decision for you. Learn how to bypass what is in the way of clarity by using this 100% accurate decision-making tool.
If you feel like you couldn't find your way out of a wet paper bag right now, stop everything and watch this video!

International Women’s Day: Learning from Our Female Counterparts

In this week’s vlog I celebrate women in honor of International Women’s Day, March 8, 2016. Here are a few of the highlights of my vlog:

 

1.       Who are your female family role models?
Our perception of women and our role models start at home—that’s why I give you an overview of the amazing females in my bloodline (my stories cover everything from a female family member who photographed dead bodies for a living and to a brave woman alone in a room full of insurance salesmen—yikes!)

2.       Why I don’t like the word bitch—even as a jokey way to greet each other. No way, ladies. Listen for the challenge I put to you for future generations.

3.       Who are some of the female greats? Who do you admire—in history or currently? Comment below so we can all celebrate our feminine greatness!

4.       Why we need to celebrate where we are now. I talk about the problem with never looking up from the “fight”—we miss the victories along the way.

 

A website I admire for highlighting and championing women: www.amightygirl.com

 

Lots of blessings and many thanks to you for being a wonderful female. You don’t need to prove or do anything to get my vote. Love yourself first and then find someone feminine heroines to chat with this week. Happy International Women’s Day!

 

Please comment below on the women you admire and why—we’d love to hear about all the inspiring women out there!

Posted on March 9, 2016 and filed under emotional growth.

How to Deal with Anxiety: Avoid Living like you’re on The Mindy Project

Anxiety is no joke. Just take a look at what the characters on The Mindy Project go through on a daily basis: hidden skeletons (think Danny’s stripper thong), mammoth misunderstandings (Peter didn’t go to Dartmouth) and high pressure shenanigans (Mindy goes to California).

Thankfully, we don’t have to down bottles of wine or bribe people or hide under desks to cope with life’s ups and downs (although I do admire Mindy’s way with words).

We can handle our mangled nerves in a much more effective way. Here is a technique that I put into practice to soothe my anxiety. Try it and see—you’ll be amazed at how much it will change your experiences!

Mantras

Mantras: phrases or words that help you reach a desired state of being. For example, the mantra “OM”. Look up some Sanskrit words or phrases to find the ones that suit you best. These mantras allow you to focus and return to a calmer state of being.

Repeat them out loud, in your mind or write them out. The more you use them, the better they work. Once I got past the arguments that my mind tries to make (this is stupid, these words won’t work, this is a waste of time), I find that the mantras help me immensely. The trick is not to give in to the literal meaning behind the words and phrases. I used this one:

Everything is always working out perfectly for me. (Abraham Hicks)

Listen to my podcast for an in-depth explanation of why I used this phrase.

I repeated this phrase several times a day and looked at it on a piece of paper when I needed to return to a state of peace and calm. Over time, I found that something clicked into place and the phrase immediately brought me there. I had connected on a deeply spiritual level to the vibration of the phrase. This is what you can do too. Find your phrase and use it when you need it.

Put it on the fridge, in your wallet or on your desk. Look at it often.
Repeat the phrase as needed.

Remember to let go of the outcomes that you think are the best things for you and to realize when things show up for you (possibly in different packaging).

As adorable as Mindy is, you don’t have to worry about hurting peoples’ feelings, avoid intimidating situations or try to convince others of your worth. You can go back to the mantras and let things unfold instead. Ahhh…much better.

Posted on December 1, 2015 and filed under emotional growth.

Self-acceptance: Valuable Lessons from Shrek and Fiona

At first, Shrek struggled to accept himself; he thought that because he was an Ogre, nobody would ever love him. He assumed everyone would hate him and so he found it hard to love or accept himself. He had a negative view of who he was.

Fiona lived with a secret—she went from princess to Ogre every day when the sun went down. She was terrified that people would find out who she was and consequently judge her. She felt like an outcast and a freak; she couldn’t accept the fact that she was part princess and part Ogre.

The turning point for both of them came when they met Donkey and, of course, each other.

What does this have to do with self-acceptance? First of all, weaving my favorite characters into a blog post is so much fun! Second of all, don’t be fooled by animated movies. A lot of them deliver powerful messages about life. And no, I haven’t been smoking the wacky tobacky.

Take a look at some of the lessons that Shrek and Fiona deliver (all with cleverly-timed comic relief and Shrek’s delightful Scottish accent):

1.       Self-acceptance comes in the form of a mirror

Sometimes we can’t see how wonderful we are so the Universe sends a friend or lover along to relay the message. Donkey repeatedly offered his friendship to Shrek until Shrek finally realized that he was a pretty great Ogre after all. Think of the people in your life who stand by you and tell you how amazing you are. They are here to tell you what you may not be able to accept about yourself. Try to see yourself through an admirer’s eyes.

2.      Self-acceptance means loving all of yourself

Fiona overcomes the spell she is under the moment she accepts all of herself. She sheds the shame of not living up to what she thinks she’s supposed to be (a beautiful princess) and embraces her duality (light and shadow). The gift in this is when she realizes that Shrek loves her for being an Ogre. She evolves into the beautiful Fiona—the princess or Ogre aspects are no longer important. The point is that she accepted who she was and then the miracles unfolded. Accept yourself as you are and watch how others respond to you. More often than not, people are drawn to those who are authentic.

3.      Self-acceptance is a risk

Shrek takes a risk in the movie; he accepts Donkey into his life. In other words, he lets someone in. He had to get to the point where he accepted himself enough to realize that Donkey wanted to be part of his life. Shrek took the risk and opened up; he found true friendship. However, just because we accept ourselves doesn’t mean that we are accepted by everyone else. Fiona tried to hide who she was, but when it was revealed that she was part Ogre, the Lord Farquaad rejected her. When others reject us for who we are it is painful. This doesn’t mean that our response would be to reject ourselves. This means that the person is not the right fit for us. They are not meant to come on our life journey with us. That’s ok. This realization is liberating; we can accept ourselves even when others don’t. We can make more room for those who love us for who we are. A note about family—sometimes our family members don’t accept us. Again, this doesn’t mean that we have to believe them or agree with their view of us. Our opinion of ourselves is all that matters.

The next time you start to reject yourself, think about Shrek, Fiona, Donkey and friends living happily ever after as themselves, in the swamp. Or at the very least, they are living as happily as they can when faced with killjoys like Lord Farquaad, Rumpelstiltskin and the Fairy Godmother.

Posted on November 11, 2015 and filed under emotional growth.