MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL
Who is the ugliest one of them all? I am.
 

I am now in my thirties and my feelings of deep shame are unbearable.

I’ve been living with terrible acne since the age of 13.
 

I’ve spent thousands of dollars on Naturopaths, Homeopaths, Chinese Medicine, cleanses, topical creams, ointments and remedies that burn my skin and leave it flaky and mutilated. 
 

After twenty years of trying everything under the sun, my skin looks no different.
 

Nothing works.

 

Not even two rounds of Accutane—the strongest, most extreme form of treatment that does severe damage to your liver—makes any dent in the relentless breakouts and excessive oil on my skin.

 

There are times when I don’t go out because my skin looks so bad.

There are times when I don’t answer the phone because I’m so upset with the image that’s staring back at me in the mirror.

Every relationship that I’m in, I wonder how they can love me when my skin looks so terrible.

 

MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL

Who is the ugliest one of them all? I am. Still.

 

When I become a holistic nutritionist and completely change my diet in 2007, I start to heal my chronic symptoms of Irritable Bowel Syndrome—a digestive disorder that causes me constant, severe pain that leaves me in tears.

 

I’m hopeful that the nutrition changes will also be the cure for my acne.

 

It isn’t.

 

I lose all hope and sink into a low-grade depression.

I have zero self-esteem.

I am filled with anxiety about my skin. All. The. Time.

I become completely obsessive, spending hours in front of a mirror, trying to desperately cover the pimples and bumps, trying to hide the fact that I am SO hideous.

 

There are days when I wish that I was dead.

 

MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL

Why can’t I be the fairest one of them all?

 

I believe with all my heart that if I can only have clear skin, all my problems will disappear and I will have a perfect life.

 

Why can’t I be beautiful? Why can’t I have clear skin?

 

The answers I receive to these questions, upset me.

 

My friend, a Shaman, tells me one day when I go to see him about my anxiety, which is now out of control, “You think you’ve been healing all this time, but you really haven’t dealt with your traumas. You haven’t faced your emotional traumas.”

 

What? You mean meditation, healthy eating, personal development courses and energy work is NOT HEALING? You’ve got to be kidding me.

 

At this point, I am too tired to argue anymore. Everything I think I know gets tossed out the window. I open up and start my healing journey in earnest.

 

Several years of healing traumas and doing forgiveness work later finally break the code.

I dig so deep that it feels like going any deeper is impossible.

 

Then I go deeper.

 

I unravel all the toxic emotions and anxiety and trauma out of my body and my experience.

My skin reflects this shift.

 

MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL

Who is the fairest one of all? I am.
 

I wink into the mirror—You are beautiful, I say. And I mean it.

 

My skin is now clear—not perfect, but that’s ok with me. I’m ok with the odd pimple.

I earned every scar and enlarged pore. I fought hard to be where I am today.

 

The mirror reflects my beauty and it goes way beyond skin deep.

 

People compliment me and I happily accept.
I go outside without make-up.

Social situations don’t scare me anymore.

I feel like an amazing, talented, beautiful person.

Inside and out!

 

MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL

Who is the fairest one of them all? You are.

 

I’ve realized one thing through all of this.

I didn’t take this journey just for me.

I didn’t clear unfathomable amounts of emotional garbage just for me.

 

I did this for you too.

 

Because I know what it’s like to feel like the ugliest person in the whole world.

I know what it feels like to want to literally hide under the covers and never come out.

 

My soul purpose is to help you look in the mirror and find your True Self smiling back at you. Are you ready to look?